When Should A Girl Be Allowed To Wear Makeup

The forenoon of my 7-yr-old daughter's dance recital, she was brimming with excitement, but it wasn't the sparkly costume or crowds of onlookers that excited her nearly. Information technology was the face full of makeup.

I was instructed to give her rosy cheeks, red lips and sparkly eyes, and she couldn't get plenty, admiring her confront at every angle in each mirror she passed.

The next morning time, she came into my bathroom requesting makeup again.

"That was but for the recital," I said, adding that footling girls don't need to wear makeup. "You're beautiful exactly every bit you are," I said.

And so I began painting a bag full of cosmetics onto my face.

When she left the bathroom I wondered when it'south OK for a immature girl to starting time wearing makeup. Is it harmful to allow it sometimes? Does her request hateful she doesn't feel pretty and am I beingness an awful role model?

To assistance me find answers, I asked Dr. Tamar Kahane, a child and adolescent psychologist who is founder and manager of The Kahane Center, an integrated mental health exercise in Englewood.

"The start step for parents is understanding where it's coming from," Kahane said, explaining a immature daughter may ask to wear makeup for a number of reasons. "One of the ways in which a kid learns virtually their world is through dressing upwards. They take on different roles through their play, and that'due south how they communicate."

Requesting makeup, she said, may not necessarily reflect a self-esteem issue.

"Information technology could hateful I desire to look like or be like Mommy," she said. "I come across Mommy puts on makeup so I want to put it on also."

Understanding why your child wants to clothing makeup and what it ways to her allows a parent to step in where it's meaningful to step in, she notes.

Kahane believes the emphasis on image in today's society makes parents wary when it comes to their kid wearing makeup.

"In today's culture, there's a lot of pressure on girls in terms of how they await and how their body looks, and parents are frequently very concerned virtually all this pressure and what it'southward doing to their kid," she said. "And they don't want them sexualized, understandably, at a young age."

Notwithstanding, she said, a child may ask to wear makeup for other reasons.

"Nosotros think it's sexualized considering that'south where we're at, only it'south non necessarily where they're at. For them information technology could mean something very dissimilar."

In terms of handling your own child's request for makeup, Kahane recommends setting limits without being extreme – and without judgment.

"I hold that picayune girls shouldn't be running around wearing makeup outside the house," she said, "but I think we should start by understanding and acknowledging that they like to vesture makeup and giving them a time and a identify and a space to do that."

Giving children an opportunity to endeavour on a role within limits, such as wearing makeup occasionally inside the house, means they'll be less likely to need to do that later, Kahane said.

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Withal, parents should remember to nurture and encourage their child in other areas aside from looks.

"It's fine to tell your daughter she's beautiful, just it shouldn't be the only affair you tell her," she said, suggesting that parents focus on their child'due south hard work, beliefs and interests as well.

Kahane feels mothers often send mixed letters to their daughters, which may confuse them nearly the value of dazzler.

"On the one hand we're taking them for manicures and pedicures and ownership them pretty apparel, and giving them this bulletin that we want them to await cute, and and then we're saying but don't wear makeup," she said, "and that can be confusing for them as to what we're teaching."

She likewise points out that moms oftentimes comment on their ain looks in front end of their children, calling themselves fat or messy in their presence.

"I'm not judging it, I'm but saying we demand to notice it," Kahane said. "Parents should be mindful of the fact that sometimes nosotros inadvertently encourage things that we don't even realize we're encouraging."

When it comes to when it'southward appropriate for your child to wear makeup outside of the house, Kahane said there'south no correct historic period for any one child.

"Age is chronological, simply there's also emotional age and social age," she explained, "and sometimes at that place's a disconnect between where a kid is chronologically, and where they are physically and emotionally."

Therefore, she said, a child can expect like they're 15, human action like they're ix and actually be 12, which is confusing to both the parents and the child in terms of how to deport and what to await from them. "They don't know who they are and what they are, and they're trying to figure it out," she said.

When deciding what's all-time for your child, Kahane advises that parents trust their gut.

"I'thousand a big laic in the intuition of moms, and that moms know more than they think they know," she said. "It'due south really well-nigh noticing what your own child is up for and what they're emotionally ready for."

Kahane notes that parents can as well consult a professional with these concerns.

I was relieved after speaking with Kahane considering I ever had mom-guilt when telling my daughter she could only endeavor my cosmetics twice a year. I remember how much I loved playing with my mom'due south makeup when I was piddling, and I knew my girl would love playing with mine.

So the next time she asks, I'll be sure to hash out why she wants to wear makeup and remind my footling girl that a grinning is the best makeup she can article of clothing. And then I'll allow her parade around the business firm with that smile painted red.

Contact Jackie Goldschneider at minivanmusings@gmail.com.

Source: https://www.northjersey.com/story/life/columnists/2018/09/13/little-girls-wear-makeup-parenting/1254158002/

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